Print Shop Stories
Miss Halloween, part 2

Beth, despite of all her “contacts” at work, was married.  Her husband appeared at both of the company Christmas parties that I attended.  He split his time between the open bar and escorting a rhythmless and intoxicated Beth off the dance floor.  He looked like Charlie Brown, all grown up and bought out by ‘da man’.

Curtis, who had been with the company for almost eight years when my first party took place, told me that Beth wore the same dress every year.  It was a little black cocktail dress with an otherwise dangerously deep neckline.  On Beth, however, there was no danger for anyone involved.  Her boobs looked like two flesh colored socks taped to her chest.  They flopped about as she attempted the ‘Electric Slide’ and ‘The Shag’.  This dress only further accentuated the difference between her natural skin tone and the red-mud stuff on her face.

Beth was known for getting sloshed at these company events.  It happened at both Christmas parties and at several awards ceremonies she had traveled to.  The string of celebrity appearances ended for her with her great ‘upheaval’ in Atlanta.

Beth spent a lot of time drinking with fellow travelers in the hotel bar that particular afternoon.  She had an award to accept at 8PM, but when the festivities began, she was nowhere to be found.  Another employee, Jane, accepted the award in her absence and went looking for her afterwards.  Jane found her kissing the porcelain god in the ladies room.  Beth was so sick that night Jane said she saw a class ring and two Hula-Hoops floating about in the water afterwards.

Back at work, Beth liked to walk down the hall as loudly as possible so that everyone would turn and look at her.  She then would give you the parade wave and clomp on past.  She always wore big, wide high-heeled shoes to get this dramatic effect.  (The only day she spared our eardrums was on Fridays when she assaulted us visually.  They “mail slot jeans” were always accompanied by Keds.)  We could hear the CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP as soon as she started her route.  We all faced towards the hall and gave the obligatory smile as she passed.  I was always afraid of being pelted with Smarties in her wake.

To be continued …

Previous posts: Nekkid Noodles, Miss Halloween part 1.

(Disclaimer to those who feel that this is wrong: While Beth in reality had little to no self-confidence, she projected the image of an arrogant little bitch.  I don’t feel guilty about writing about her here.  Nuff said.)