Small Town Life
part 1
Carl Matthews
It’s about that time, lemme get over here so that I can get a better look.
Mrs. Mabley, do you wanna fill ‘er up today? Okie dokie, ma’am.
Oh, here we go, see the burgundy Camry? It’s a 91, a good year for a good car. Yep, that’s her – name is Brenda. Everyday she drives by here on her way to work. She’ll stop at the light and turn right on 11th Street. My God, you can look, but don’t LOOK. I don’t want her to know I’m watching.
That Brenda is a sweet gal. ‘Had a helluva life, too, lemme tell ya. She got left by her husband for this older woman that came into his nail salon all the time. She deserves better than a cheater. She’s a good, honest woman and a rare specimen around here. She keeps her oil changed and gets the car looked on a right regular basis. That’s the makings of good mother material there, I tell ya. Takes care of that car like it’s made of gold. Not many women like that in this town, I know better than most on that subject.
Last time Brenda was in here to get her oil checked I rang her up at the register. She accidentally gave me a five instead of a ten, an honest mistake. I didn’t want to embarrass her so after she left I took it out of my own pocket and paid it. She needs it worse than I do, she’s having to support herself since that good for nothin’ husband of hers ran off with that ol’ bat.
Yes, Mrs. Mabley, you have a good day, too, ma’am. Come see us again real soon!
Now, what was I saying? Oh, yeah, he ran off with that ol’ bat and Brenda had to take over the house payment and start supporting herself. You’d never know she had it rough though, she’s just as pleasant as can be.
Do I fancy her? Oh, Lord … do bees fancy the flowers? I got about as much chance of getting her attention as you do getting your inspection sticker without getting that turn signal fixed today. Well, maybe a little less of chance to tell the truth.
Pull that monstrosity on around here and we’ll get you squared away. Oh, and as for this Brenda nonsense, let’s keep that to ourselves, okay?
Month: April 2001
New Way To Kill Time Online
This is really fun and somewhat addictive … enjoy!
The Face Game
Original Names of Selected Entertainers
part 12
MIKE NICHOLS: Michael Igor Peschowsky
CHUCK NORRIS: Carlos Ray
NOTORIOUS B.I.G.: Christopher Wallace
HUGH O’BRIAN: Hugh Krampke
MAUREEN O’HARA: Maureen Fitzsimons
PATTI PAGE: Clara Ann Fowler
JACK PALANCE: Walter Palanuik
BERT PARKS: Bert Jacobson
MINNIE PEARL: Sarah Ophelia Cannon
BERNADETTE PETERS: Bernadette Lazzaro
EDITH PIAF: Edith Gassion
SLIM PICKENS: Louis Lindley
MARY PICKFORD: Gladys Smith
STEFANIE POWERS: Stefania Federkiewicz
PAULA PRENTISS: Paula Ragusa
ROBERT PRESTON: Robert Preston Meservey
PRINCE (THE ARTIST): Prince Rogers Nelson
Are you missing these items on your computer?
Original Names of Selected Entertainers
part 11
MOMS MABLEY: Loretta Mary Aitken
SHIRLEY MACLAINE: Shirley Beaty
ELLE MACPHERSON: Eleanor Gow
LEE MAJORS: Harvey Lee Yeary II
KARL MALDEN: Mladen Sekulovich
BARRY MANILOW: Barry Alan Pincus
JAYNE MANSFIELD: Vera Jane Palmer
MARILYN MANSON: Brian Warner
FREDRIC MARCH: Frederick Bickel
PETER MARSHALL: Pierre LaCock
WALTER MATTHAU: Walter Matuschanskayasky
DEAN MARTIN: Dino Crocetti
MEAT LOAF: Marvin Lee Aday
FREDDIE MERCURY: Frederick Bulsara
ETHEL MERMAN: Ethel Zimmerman
GEORGE MICHAEL: Georgios Panayiotou
RAY MILLAND: Reginald Truscott-Jones
ANN MILLER: Lucille Collier
JONI MITCHELL: Roberta Joan Anderson
MARILYN MONROE: Norma Jean Mortenson (later Baker)
YVES MONTAND: Ivo Livi
RON MOODY: Ronald Moodnick
DEMI MOORE: Demetria Guynes
GARRY MOORE: Thomas Garrison Morfit
RITA MORENO: Rosita Alverio
HARRY MORGAN: Harry Bratsburg
MR. T: Lawrence Tero
PAUL MUNI: Muni Weisenfreund
In The Works
I have been writing a little ongoing thing somewhat like a short story. It has a cast of characters in it that tell you their story first-hand. I have been toying with the idea of pasting it in bits and pieces here … any interest?
Answer To Email
Okay, okay … I’ll stop being so cryptic. I got an email asking me why I call my main squeeze “Mr. Sweetie” and not by his real name. Well, the reason is because he has a very unusual name and he is on Xanga as well. It would be REALLY easy to figure out who he was and honestly I don’t want to be the next Xanga soap opera. I prefer to call him “Mr. Sweetie” and so I shall, but at least you know why now. Satisfied?
Chicken Waldorf Salad
2 small red apples, cored, peel on, cut into small cubes
2 tsp lemon juice
1 full chicken breast, cooked, chilled, cut into small cubes
2 cups sliced celery
1/2 cup raisins
1/4 cup pecans, chopped (optional)
Dressing:
1 cup palin nonfat yogurt
2 Tbsp + 2 tsp reduced-calorie mayonnaise
2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp ground allspice
Toss apples with lemon juice. Add chicken, raisins, celery, pecans. Mix dressing together and toss well with the rest to coat. Cover and chill several hours before serving.
Makes 4 servings, each = 1 fruit, 1.5-2 protein, 2 veg, 1 fat, .25 milk
Sound Waves
Jewel – Painters
Jewel – Absence of Fear
Melissa Etheridge – Sleep
Ginny Owens – If You Want Me To
Amy Jo – Puddle of Grace
Janet Jackson – That’s The Way Love Goes
Guys I Have Kissed
Kevin S., 5th gradeHe was in the 7th grade and thought it was sooooooo cool to be kissed by a 7th grader … until he cheated on me with an 8th grader who would ‘put out’
Donald, 8th grade
He broke up with me after a month or so to go out with Holly Fields, a cheerleader who promised to give him a blow job. He dumped me the night of my first basketball game. He is also the reason I got the nickname ‘Hoover’ … my b-ball coach caught us kissing in the hall once and said it looked like I was trying to suck his face off, like a Hoover vacuum.
Tony, 8th grade
This was mostly on a whim, it seemed like the thing to do and we were both really bored at that school dance. He later set fire to a locker of a girl he liked. Boy, can I pick them or what???
Charles, 8th grade
This psycho tried to rape me after the one time I kissed him. He stalked me for a year afterwards and tried to choke me on the school bus in 9th grade. I found out a few weeks ago that he commited suicide after his wife told him she wanted a divorce. He pulled out a gun and shot himself in the head going down the road with his family in the car.
Kevin H., 9th grade
This guy is now the police chief in city near Greensboro. He still hits on me every time I see him.
Ronnie, 9th grade
This loser dumped me for my best friend during Easter vacation. I was relieved.
Michael, 9th grade
Michael was the cutest guy I dated, but I swear I will end up being in news footage about him one day. “Serial killer Michael —— was apprehended today after a four year killing spree. His high school girlfriend is with us now. Ma’am, can you tell us a little about him?” ‘Well, he was always kinda quiet, socially withdrawn …’ (at this point I scratch my butt and readjust the kid on my hip)
Eric Manley, 10th grade
I had a crush on him forever it seemed … he kissed me AFTER we broke up … almost as logical as the rest of them, huh?
Jason Clark, 10th grade … ended up marrying him after five years … this was a seven year relationship except for the first summer … “the mop guy”
Jeff Sorrell, summer after 10th grade … we all need a jock in our life. He was a brooding artist. Too bad things didn’t work out.
Jim Arsenault, 09.99
This was a guy I was friends with for about eight years and he was my rebound guy after Jason and I split up … he cheated on me with the same friend that Ronnie did
Mitch Rice, 01.00
This was somewhat of a surprise to me, but I guess it counts all the same
Mr. Sweetie, 01.00 – present
We met on Jan. 29th, 2000 and have been kissing ever since