Mitch was a never-ending source of dirt on all of the employees at the print shop. He told me within my first week about Beth and her couch, about Liz and her particular fetishes and about how the company secretary married the owner’s brother and became a sales rep within 48 hours. If you pointed to a person, Mitch could tell you who they had slept with, their children’s names, what other places their previous employers and how many fillings they had on their last dentist visit. I thought at first he was making things up, but I learned quickly that he knew his trivia.

The morning of my first Halloween at the company, an errand led me past Mitch’s booth. As usual I peeked in to wave hello. That morning I stopped dead in my tracks. Mitch was looking up at me with a handmade paper window, complete with cloth curtians, taped to his forhead. He had also drawn up a police badge and taped it to his shirt with the city name and ‘Peeping Tom Division’ written underneath. I asked him what in the HELL was he doing with that thing on his head. He told me it was a window and that he was “going as Polly’s husband” for Halloween.

Polly was one of the salespeople in the shop.  Her husband was on the police force and had been caught peeking into people’s windows the night before. Not only did Mitch know this, but I later saw the newspaper article. I felt sorry for the lady, despite her being the bitch that she was.

I tried to scold Mitch, but it wasn’t a very effective sermon. I busted out laughing at the silly bastard halfway through. It’s not easy to yell at someone for being a jerk while they stare at you behind paper panes with a straight face.  This is especially difficult if they are cleaning themselves with Glass Plus, as he was at the time.