I drink your embrace in slowly
Your caresses like wine
Whispering perhaps your desire
And I ache to be drunk on you
me, Magnetic Poetry, 05.26.01
Month: May 2001
Annoying Trick of the Day
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and just eat the complimentary mints by the cash register.
(This doesn’t work in any of the Red Lobsters or Olive Garden restaurants in the Greensboro, High Point or Winston-Salem locations in NC. If you still try it there, tell them Jenn said “hi”. Expect to escorted to the door after this.)
Print Shop Stories
Miss Halloween, part 2
Beth, despite of all her “contacts” at work, was married. Her husband appeared at both of the company Christmas parties that I attended. He split his time between the open bar and escorting a rhythmless and intoxicated Beth off the dance floor. He looked like Charlie Brown, all grown up and bought out by ‘da man’.
Curtis, who had been with the company for almost eight years when my first party took place, told me that Beth wore the same dress every year. It was a little black cocktail dress with an otherwise dangerously deep neckline. On Beth, however, there was no danger for anyone involved. Her boobs looked like two flesh colored socks taped to her chest. They flopped about as she attempted the ‘Electric Slide’ and ‘The Shag’. This dress only further accentuated the difference between her natural skin tone and the red-mud stuff on her face.
Beth was known for getting sloshed at these company events. It happened at both Christmas parties and at several awards ceremonies she had traveled to. The string of celebrity appearances ended for her with her great ‘upheaval’ in Atlanta.
Beth spent a lot of time drinking with fellow travelers in the hotel bar that particular afternoon. She had an award to accept at 8PM, but when the festivities began, she was nowhere to be found. Another employee, Jane, accepted the award in her absence and went looking for her afterwards. Jane found her kissing the porcelain god in the ladies room. Beth was so sick that night Jane said she saw a class ring and two Hula-Hoops floating about in the water afterwards.
Back at work, Beth liked to walk down the hall as loudly as possible so that everyone would turn and look at her. She then would give you the parade wave and clomp on past. She always wore big, wide high-heeled shoes to get this dramatic effect. (The only day she spared our eardrums was on Fridays when she assaulted us visually. They “mail slot jeans” were always accompanied by Keds.) We could hear the CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP as soon as she started her route. We all faced towards the hall and gave the obligatory smile as she passed. I was always afraid of being pelted with Smarties in her wake.
To be continued …
Previous posts: Nekkid Noodles, Miss Halloween part 1
(Disclaimer to those who feel that this is wrong: While Beth in reality had little to no self-confidence, she projected the image of an arrogant little bitch. I don’t feel guilty about writing about her here. Nuff said.)
Annoying Trick of the Day
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
(If you get any flack over this from your boss or teacher, do the following when they approach you: holding your stapler firmly in on hand, open your eyes up really wide, smile broadly and ask in your most cheery voice, “Is there a problem?” This creeps people out and makes them wonder where the next staple is going.)True Confession
I was wrong. After reading back over things this morning, I realized that Argyle didn’t bitch about the lack of unoriginal content. It was someone else, though I mentioned that in my response to him yesterday when voting. I’m sorry, Argyle.
(Damn it. I hate having to admit that I’m wrong. It gives me a headache.)
As I was reminded by a post by twirl_dawg:
In my art history class this past spring, we talked about the relationship between art and religion. The professor asked how many people were Jewish. (No hands) How many Catholics? (Five) Protestants? (Four) Atheists? (Two)
In a class of fifty-four, we were all kind of wondering what the hell are all of these other people? The professor asked, “What is everyone else, then?” Forty-odd proud souls chimed “Baptist”¹.
*shakes head very slowly and sadly in accordance with prophesy²*
—–
¹ The people in my art class claim a religion and don’t know what heading it falls under. “Baptist” is not a religion. It is a branch of Protestantism. These kids were under the impression that being Baptist threw them into a different religious heading, similar to be Buddist or Islamic.
Christians = Catholics + Protestants
Protestants = Baptists + Methodists + Lutherans + Presbyterians, etc.
²And don’t even think of giving me any crap over this. If you are forced to go to a church for 16 years that you don’t agree with at all, you have earned the right to bitch. And I have.
Print Shop Stories
Miss Halloween
Beth was another of the company’s ladies of less than selective taste. (Yep, another slut.) She had slept her way to her current role a salesperson. This was a fact that she rather forthcoming about.
Beth was a very insecure woman. She had been very overweight and had starved herself down to what she deemed an acceptable weight before starting her “positions for a position” undertaking. She viewed this new career track as not only validation but as proof that she was better than her other co-workers. She gave us “common folk” plenty to gossip about.
She had a couch in her office. We all knew why. I’ve told you already, too. A couch is more comfy than a chair and you don’t risk carpet burn.
Beth was a complete disaster in the makeup field. She wore liquid makeup that was almost orange in color. She ruined three phones in the two years that I worked with her this way. The makeup would rub off on the bottom of the phone, the part you speak into, and couldn’t even be scraped off.
Beth took too much liberty on ‘casual Friday’. She wore the same pair of pants every week, though God only knows how they lasted through so much abuse. They were so tight in the crotch that she reminded me of a mail slot. Whenever she walked by I would wonder if I had paid my cable bill.
She also died her hair. One of the older guys, George, had a snapshot of her when before her ascension to glory. She had beautiful brown hair, wavy and very enviable. Since hitting the elite club, Beth had decided to blow-dry her hair out straight and color it black. I mean BLACK. Her hair was so black that it had a violet sheen to it. The combination of the orange makeup and the black hair made her look like a Halloween decoration. She looked like a crow perching on a pumpkin.
To be continued …
Previous post: Nekkid NoodlesAnnoying Trick of the Day
Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophesy.”
(I loved using this during Vacation Bible school with the non-church going kids. “The meek shall inheirit the earth. So you really kinda have to give up your seat for me if I ask, otherwise you don’t get anything in accordance with prophesy.”)
Art Work of the Day
Edgar Degas
(French, 1834 – 1917)
Two Dancers, 1890
Pastel on paper
The Art Institute of Chicago
Click here for a larger view.
Everyone has talent at twenty-five. The difficulty is to have it at fifty.
— Edgar Degas (1834 – 1917) French artist
—–
Note: Though Degas is rather well-known for his ballerina subject matter, this has an unusual color combination for him. This is also a pastel drawing, whereas most of his popular work was done in oil. Also, the quote carries more weight if you consider that this piece of work was done when he was 56 years old.
An Explanation of Sorts
In case you were wondering, the reason that I post art and quotes by the artists is to throw a little culture into my blog. I have received many words of encouragement on this almost-daily subject matter. I enjoy the actions in the searching for images and information on the artwork. It’s like a miniature research project for me. For the viewer it is a rotating art gallery.
I try to post not only work by well-known artists, but by more obscure people as well. If I choose a popular person as the subject, I try to post an artwork that they are not as well known for. In my art history class last semester we had to memorize slides for all the great masters, but for works that were uncharacteristic for them. You can appreciate an artwork more, in my opinion, if it is a real stretch for the artist. It shows their range.
With that said, enjoy!