Little Known Facts About Me
I am a Capricorn. Maybe that’s why I’m always horny.
I was the wicked stepmother in my 5th grade presentation of “Cinderella”.
I am such a damn flirt …
I still am not completely sure of what I want to be if I ever grow up.
I got burnt out on “religion” at a young age.
Quote of the Day
“Women don’t need conventional tools around the house, we’ll use anything that’s handy. But when pounding a nail, don’t use a shoe – shoes cost $40 a pair. A package of frozen hamburgers costs $5. Use the hamburger.”
— Jeannie Dietz
True Confession
At my last job, I had a crush on the Fed Ex boy, Brad.
Ask Swirly:
Q: Why does a non-erect penis look so unassuming?
A: It looks non-threatening and cute. Women will find it sweet and dear … ‘Awww! A little mushroom cap!’ Then when they are not looking … (duh-duh-duh-dut-duh-dum!) SUPER PENIS! At that point it is too late.
Annoying Trick of the Day
Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
Small Town Life
part 7
Carl Matthews
It’s about that time, actually a few minutes late. I wonder where she is? I hope everything is all right.
Oh Lord, here comes fun. Mrs. Henderson and that flea-bitten mutt o’ hers. Gosh, Carl … calm down and be nice. Don’t let her get to you.
Mrs. Henderson, how are you doing this fine morning? Glad to hear it, ma’am. Fill ‘er up?
Good morning, Brenda. Wait … oh my God … she’s pulling in here! What do I do? Okay, act cool, Carl. It’s no big deal. She’s just another customer. I don’t wanna call her Mrs. Massey, she ain’t with Mr. Massey anymore. I’ll just avoid them naming conventions all together.
Good morning. What can I do for you?
I have always appreciated the way Brenda looks ya in the eye. So charming and polite.
Yes, ma’am. You did give me a five instead of a ten last time, but it was an honest mistake and I paid for it. I can’t believe you’ve worried about it all this time. It’s nothing, ma’am. Okay, it’s nothing Brenda. It’s been taken care of. I appreciate your honesty and all, but I can’t take your money. You’ll what? Oh, I can’t … well … I don’t wanna be rude. If you insist, I guess I could. How’s 7PM? Okay, where are you? 506 Oak Lane. Okay, I’ll see ya there. You have a good day, too.
Oh my God, thank you Jesus! I ain’t believing that happened. I might have to go home sick.
Yes, Mrs. Henderson, I heard it click. I was just trying to help out Brenda there. Yes, ma’am … I’ll converse on my own time, you caught me red-handed.
Killjoy ol’ bag. I feel sorry for the dog of yours sometimes. I wonder if he’s ever tried to choke himself with his collar.
That’ll be $11.00. Outta a twenty? There’s sixteen, seventeen, eightteen, nineteen, twenty. Have a good one, ma’am.
And take your own sweet time coming back, ya hear? Geez … of ALL days to come in here and show yourself …
My Lord, I can’t beleive Brenda remembered all of that oil change nonsense and has felt guilty all this time. Just goes to prove my point, that’s a fine lady there. Rare specimen.
I gotta calm down before I go over there tonight. I’m so nervous I’m liable to hose down the front porch with puke before I even get inside … thank you, Lord, again.
Quote of the Day
My interest in desperation lies only in that sometimes I find myself having become desperate. Very seldom do I start out that way. I can see of course that, in the abstract, thinking and all activity is rather desperate.
— Willem de Kooning
Betcha Didn’t Know …
I’m going commando today.
My Armor
To call me a fearless girl
Would be a real stretch
I suffer from endless worry
And mute self-consciousness
And though the shell you see
May appear to be made of steel
It’s actually layers of aluminum
That one careless word can puncture
I stand before you pretending
Trying to seem tough and indifferent
But my vulnerability shows through
My guard is shaken by your presence
And in that small little quiver
If you look closely you will see
The not-so-fearless girl
That I really am
— me, 02.22.00
Highly Recommended
Okay, I’ll admit … I am a bit slow around here sometimes. There … you have it … BUT I have finally caught up with the new talent here in Xanga and I must exclaim: “Damn! There is some fine writing going on around here!“
One of the brightest and best for your reading pleasure is the topic trail at HerbieTheElf‘s site. Very astute observations by Herbie lead to long discussion’s by Xanga’s best and brightest and a closer inspection into your own life. Don’t be scared of the dentist, go on over. He won’t bite. 😉
Another faboo place to do some thought provoking reading is at the blog of grandpaboy. I liked at him at first for spelling “nekkid” the good ol’ NC way, but the man has other attractive qualities, too. (Shhhh … he’s smart!) On his site you find not only great stuff to think about but tons of kick-ass links. Throw your dentures in to soak and go take a peek.
Anyone who saw my comment about the temperature-raising writings of GudKarma knows this site is why my power bill is so high right now. (Thank God for the AC!) I have been digging through his drawers … errr … back logs … and finding all kinds of incredible stuff! The man not only puts James Gandolfini to shame in the looks dept., but he can write AND sing. Too bad he’s in NJ …
Go check out these fine little mens … Again: Gimme all the comments you want, but NO PROPS for me (even for finder’s fees) … shower them with them. They deserve it!