True Confession

Swirly’s First Time … Part 1 of 2

Background Info
As I read Maizie’s blog Thursday morning, I was reminded of the first time I had sex with Jason, now the “Evil Ex”.

We started dating on October 23rd, 1992 at our high school Homecoming football game. We had known about each other for over a year, but we hadn’t met at that point. I went over and introduced myself to him. Sparks flew and an eight-year relationship started. We were nuts about each other and wanted things to be “special” so we decided to wait to have sex. This lasted almost a year. Hormones overrode morals and we had to do it.

Our parents hated that we were seeing each other. My mom thought Jason to be the scum of the earth and his mom and dad thought I was a little redneck girl and not nearly good enough for their perfect son. This just fueled our union more because we were like Romeo and Juliet. We had to be together now!

The Plan
We concocted a plan to meet in his hometown, Liberty, and decided to figure out the details of it if that much of it actually worked out. I pretended to get a date with one of my somewhat-friends, Ryan, and paid him twenty bucks to drive me to meet Jason. Jason told his parents that he was going to go riding his bike with his friend, Wesley. With alibis set and Ryan paid, things started smoothly on October 10th, 1993.

Getting There is Half the Fun
Ryan dropped me off in the Dollar Store parking lot where Jason was waiting. He said he would meet us back at the QuikChek at 5PM. We agreed and left on foot as Ryan pulled away.

Jason and I walked downtown to the sports bar where his friend Steve hung out. Steve wasn’t there, so we played three games of pool before he showed up. Steve finally came swaggering in through the door and Jason asked if we could borrow his car.  Steve said that it was fine as soon as we were back in an hour. Jason got the keys and we jumped into the vehicle and took off.

What?!? No Mint On My Pillow?
Out on the road, the adventure started. Neither of us had a driver’s license and the car was a stick shift, which neither of us knew how to drive. Jason was in the power seat though, and ran four stop signs before deciding to shift the gears. (Poor car …) He drove by a deserted cornfield and looked over at me sheepishly. “What do ya think?”

I was less than thrilled about screwing in a field that could produce a rather pissed off farmer at many minute, but I was not putting out in this borrowed car, either. Sure, the field appeared to be deserted and semi-private. On the other hand, it was dirt (!) and there were dead corn stalks everywhere. I was trying, as I did an awful lot at that point in life, to be easy to get along with. I looked about at my Romeo and said, “Sure.”

In Fields of Gold
Being the gentleman that he was, Jason took off his shirt and lay it on the ground underneath me. (Wow. Hawaiian covered dirt. What an upgrade!) I was bare except my bra, which I kept on in case we had to make a speedy escape. Jason was totally naked, except his socks. God only knows why he left them on.

Lest this turn into a Harlequin romance excerpt let me say three things:
(1) It was horribly brief. (Three strokes to be exact.)
(2) I was less than impressed and very disappointed in the whole thing.
(3) Jason always sweated a lot, regardless of the brevity of time. This was perhaps the worst sweating he ever did.

Jason asked if we could “do it again” and I said sure. I mean, I was sure that I had a whole three minutes to spare. He held out a little longer the following two times, but all I felt was pain and annoyance. I smelled cucumbers and my back was being scratched by the cornhusks underneath his Jimmy Buffet-esque shirt-make-shift-blanket.

I couldn’t understand the cucumber thing, until I saw a copperhead snake nearby. We panicked, threw our clothes on and jumped back into the car. I had dirt in my hair and Jason’s sweat all over my body. Jason had a huge smile. This made me even madder.

So Much For the Afterglow …
We drove back to the bar. Steve wasn’t there. We waited and waited but still no Steve. We went outside and sat on the car, looking out for his reappearance. A white Lincoln drove by with an older couple in it. The passenger’s window rolled down and they stopped. “Is that you car?”

“No,” Jason said calmly. “My friend let me borrow it. Why?”

“Because it’s been reported stolen at the police department. Perhaps you should go over there and straighten this out or turn yourself in.” The old couple drove off with huge frowns scrawled across their faces.

Well, you can imagine how freaked out I was. I was not supposed to be in this town, with this guy, having sex or driving, and now the car has been reported stolen. GREAT!

To be continued tomorrow …