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January 14, 1978
I celebrated my first birthday by head-butting a chocolate cake. This would start my life-long love/hate relationship with chocolate.

January – August 1978
I was still an only child and a walking, talking, pampered sex goddess.

September 1978
My mom, nine months pregnant, married the baby’s father. This was her second marriage and brought about my first stepfather, Harry.

September 29, 1978
My sister, Lisa, was born.

October 1978 – March 1980
More pampers, apple juice, teething and toddling. Harry liked to put beer in my baby bottle and tell me that it was apple juice to get a laugh out of his buddies. He stopped this when I puked on him.

April 1980
My mom left Harry, Lisa and me in pursuit of a “better life”. She wanted to leave her abusive, good-for-nothing husband to go out and be happy for a change. Harry knew nothing about taking care of kids. He was too busy drinking, smoking pot, doing acid and screwing the other women in our apartment building to take care of two little girls, especially the one who wasn’t even his own.

There was a weekly poker game a few apartments down where he and his buddies would congregate, drink, smoke and gamble away their paychecks. Harry went there every Friday night with his drinking pals. He would leave Lisa and me in the apartment by ourselves so that he could participate.

This particular night, the host was very high and decided that one his fellow card players was being less than honest. An argument ensued and he pulled out a gun and shot the cheater, who died. All of the men were hauled downtown to the police station. Harry, on his way out, told one of the policemen to go get his ‘girls’ and have their grandparents, our mother’s parents, pick us up.

My first childhood memory occurs here: I was sitting in a bedroom with one of those horses that bounces on the springs. There was a hole in the side of the horse’s neck and I was pushing those little letter magnets into the hole. (The reason being that the horse would make noise when I rode it this way.) I looked over at my sister in her baby bed, and a shadow fell over me. I turned around to see a dark manly figure standing in the open door to my room, light flooding in behind him. I started to cry.

The police officer stayed with Lisa and me until our grandparents, Claud and Iris got there. They packed up a weekend’s worth of clothes and supplies and took us to their home in Climax, thirty-five minutes south of Greensboro.

Upon his release, Harry called to see if we were okay and to thank Claud and Iris. He said they could keep us for the week if they wanted. He would come by to drop off more clothes and supplies. He came by two days later and dropped those supplies for the week. We never saw him again. I’ve heard that he has a new family in Virginia somewhere. Thus our weekend with our grandparents would last for six years.

Previous post on this subject: part 1

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What They Seem

The oceans look so still
So calm, so serene
But beneath its surface lies
Over half of the world’s life

The sand looks like
One continuous line
But it’s really billions of pieces
Of shattered shell and rock

So, you see my dear
Things aren’t always
What they seem

I appear so together
So in control of things
But in my head is chaos
I’m crumbling apart more everyday

You think that I am happy
I’m doing fine without you
But I still cry myself to sleep
And keep your picture on my desk

So you see, dear
Things aren’t always
What they seem

– me, 05.21.00

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True Confession


I am a baby watcher.


My head swivels for babies.  I love them.  I love their little hands and feet and their faces when they smile and coo.  I love their bright eyes and their pure laughter.

I realize that they poop and pee and barf and stink and cry.  I have two brothers, 15 and 10.  I did more than my fair share of upkeep with them and potty trained them both.  I’ve seen the good, the bad and the smelly.  I still love babies, though.

Gray points them out in restaurants and stores for me.  Not that we are ready for one or anything, but damn it, I am looking forward to the whole experience.  He is going to be the best dad.  I can see it in the way he deals with me, my brothers, kids out in public … I can see it in his eyes.  Deep down, he is kind and loving and patient. *shudders in a good way*  So many things I look forward to doing with him.

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Art of the Day




 

Gustav Klimt (1862-1918)

Emilie Flรถge, 1902
Oil on canvas

Historisches Museum der Stadt Wien, Vienna

 

(Click on image above for a larger view)

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True Confession


I am very competitive, especially when playing cards.


I have a Hoyle Card Games CD that lets you play billions of cards games – solo or with animated characters.  There is an alien named Roswell, a T-Rex named Marvin, etc.  I decided to blow the dust off it today and play a few games while I waited for Gray to get off the good computer.

I swear, I think that the chick, Elaine, from Brooklyn was cheating when we were playing Go Fish.  I was cussing my ass off at her. 
NOW you’ve got EIGHTS?  What about a minute ago when I needed them?  Lied your SWEET ASS OFF about not having them then!”


Meanwhile, Gray is laughing his butt off at me, muttering something about it being “just a game”.  Just a game, my ass.  That little heifer was holding out on me, I know it.

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True Confession


I jump to conclusions.

Gray told me to check his email account Monday and I found the following email in Gray’s email account and went nuts. Here ya go:

RE :your ad on AOL

I saw your Ad on the net, and I could not answer you because my computer died and I could not get a new one until I get a job or something. I hope you are still interested, as I realize lots of have days past.

Gosh, I really don’t know where to start. maybe you could tell me a little about yourself, how old are you? And what do you look like? And most of all, are you still looking? If you are interested in more about me, I have a Profile at a free site…I did not want to use a pay site because that did not seem like a good thing….Too many of those around.

You can check my profile at:
http://www.alternativepersonals.net I am NOT a porn chick …. ๐Ÿ™‚ I just chose it because you don’t have Pay, and they allow any pictures I want. Oh yea, my username is darla1972.

Don’t really know what else to say for now. Let me know if you are interested, and I hope. you don’t run when you see my picture:) Bye….Darla


Well, of course I went to go see the picture of the dead girl that was emailing my sweetie. Ya can’t get in without credit card information. NO WAY! I’m not getting caught checking up on him! Nope!

So I let my doubt and nagging, stubborn “worst case scenario” fall by the wayside until I found this today:

Subject:I saw your smile

Hi there! I just saw your profile and I liked what I saw!! So I thought you might like to check mine out at
http://www.matchclick.com My username is TennisGirl, and I’d be very interested in chatting with you some more.

Speak to you soon, TennisGirl


Ummm … am I missing something here? This made TWO of these things in as many days. I was livid. I asked him WHEN was the last time that he posted a personal ad online? He said, “The one I met you with.” (Jan/2000)

Before it could occur to me that if he were trying to do this he would not let me check his email account, I spewed out something that sounded like this:

“Well then WHY IN THE HELL are you getting this shit in your email a year and half later? CAN YOU TELL ME THAT? Who the hell is this TENNIS BITCH and why is she writing you? I don’t know why in the name of GOD’S GREEN EARTH someone would write you A YEAR AND HALF AFTER THE FACT to see if you were still spanking it by yourself!”

Obviously, I was in this same position in the past and was burned. (We’re talking third degree, people.) I am quick to defend myself on things like this, too. Thank God that Gray is more patient with me than I am with him when dealing with this crap.

We went to the sites together and the whole thing is a scam to get you to subscribe to a porn site to see these imaginary women. How cold is THAT?

Geeeeeez … imagine if a woman didn’t have my ability to hold back and wait for the facts to come in? Imagine if someone tore into her significant other over a thing like this. Geeeeeez. *rolls eyes*

By the way, Gray thinks that it is funny-borderline-cute when I get that shade of red and he is infinitely patient with me. Thank God. He’s too rare to lose over stupid shit like this.

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Small Town Life
part 8 …
Henry Abrams

There goes the Massey woman again. What the hell is she grinning all goofy over?  She normally looks like the world is on her shoulders. Well, I’m glad she looks to be in better spirits today, but that’s liable to be enough to trigger a visit from Ms. Nose-In-Yer-Business across the street.


Good, Lord … did someone say her name three times?  Here she comes with that that traffic cone of a dog of hers.  He oughta be scared the way that little Marshall brat was gunnin’ for him this morning.  I think that is the dumbest dog I’ve ever seen.

Yes, ma’am. Good morning to you, too, Mrs. Henderson. Yes it is a beautiful morning. Yup, I did notice that.  She did seem a little more chipper than normal. No, I don’t know why. No, I don’t know anyone you can ask.

My Lord, that is one nosy woman.

Uhhh … you’re dog is watering my wild onions. Buster, boy, calm down. Heh heh … it’d be fine with me if every other dog in the neighborhood didn’t follow suit.

I have got to get rid of this woman and that pissing dog … Oh!  Good idea!

Yup, next thing ya know, every dog in the neighborhood is pissing all over the place and you’ll be swimming in dog piss smell to get your mail.  Yep … good talking to you, too.

Works like a charm.  Biggest prude I ever met.  Like piss is such a bad word.  Ya gotta love what works, though.


part 1part 2part 3part 4part 5part 6 – part 7