Shelly’s Tears

My friend Shelly, whom I’ve known for 14 years, has broken up with her boyfriend of three years.  It was a messy arrangement from the beginning and I never quite liked or understood the union.  My feelings aside, my freind thinks that she has lost three years of her life and is devastated.

Three years ago this whole thing happened again, she lost another three year relationship with my friend, Jim.  They drug it out for months, but in the end she needed to grow and get her education and he disagreed.

Two years ago her father suddenly died of a heartattack.  He was only in his late forties and no one would have guessed that this would happen.  Shelly was sexually molested by this monster as a child and emotionally and physically abused by him until she fled from home.  She never got to confront him about anything and felt that things would never be resolved.

What do I say to her other than that I love her?  How do I help put this newest thing in perspective?

I’ve told her that even though she sees this as a loss that she came about it by standing up for herself – a monumental gain.  I told her that she wasn’t that strong fiuve years ago and this is a good thing.  But how dod I make her understand this?

I’m getting married and she’s mending a broken heart.  She lost not only a boyfriend, but his son whom she has loved and mothered for three years.  While I know about the loss of a lover, I can’t imagine the loss of a child.

I don’t know how to help her and I so want to.