Guessing Game

Who is responsible for the following quotes?  Here’s a hint: there is a different person for each quote.  Leave your guesses in the comments section.  No cheating … good luck!

(1) “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.”

(2) “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”

(3) “Remember in elementary school, you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? Do tall people burn slower?”

(4) “Suppose you were an idiot… And suppose you were a member of Congress… But I repeat myself.”

(5) “Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.”

(6) “Beethoven can write music, thank God – but he can do nothing else on earth.”