The Best Of
Swirly’s Six
most recent to oldest
Things I Want To Do Before Dying
Things I Have Brand Loyalty To
Things I Did This Past Weekend With My Mother-in-Law
Books Not On My Summer Reading List
Six Things I Looked At On eBay Today
Month: June 2002
Swirly’s Six
Snacks I Enjoy
1 bananas
2 pretzels
3 Ben & Jerry’s Karmel Sutra
4 baby carrots
5 Bistro Gourmet chips
6 popcorn
Ways To Kill Time Online
Torture coworkers and family members with tunes from Miserable Melodies. This site is full of horrible attempts by celebs at singing. Enjoy!
Swirly’s Six
Six Things I Looked At On eBay Today
1 silver trumpet
2 tiki totem
3 silver Aladdin lamp
4 kimono fabric
5 lilac Fiesta ware
6 Green Man plaque
Swirly’s Time Line
April – early May 1986
Paul and my mom fought a lot. Lisa and I had to go to bed early several nights so that they could “talk.” Often the sun was still hovering above the horizon when we were sent to our room. We would lay in our bunk beds, me on the top and her down below, and whisper about things to try to block out the sounds of their arguments.
Their “talks” were so loud we couldn’t help but overhear them. Paul would yell at mom about something and she would retort, “Go tell it to a tree.” Lisa and I would giggle and try to stay quiet so we wouldn’t get in trouble. We passed toys back and forth between the edge of the bed and the wall and tried to otherwise occupy ourselves.
Once Mom yelled at Paul for leaving a “foot-long turd/terd” in the toilet. Again, we were arrested with laughter and tried to not burst into high pitched little girl squeals. Even years later we would quote those things in tense moments and laugh – sometimes to remember and smile, sometimes to keep from crying.
Paul seemed to come home late on Friday nights. On one such night I was awoken by the sounds of yet another argument between Carol and Paul. She was shrieking and crying and I thought I made out the words, “Put down the knife!”
I strained to hear, sure I had mistaken what Mom said. I then heard Paul’s voice boom out, “I’ll kill you and that baby!” I sat straight up in bed and felt tears run down my cheeks.
I crawled down the ladder from the top bunk and snuck to the corner of the living room so that I could make sure Mom was okay. She was still crying and I got there just in time to see her pull a long kitchen knife from Paul’s hand. She told him to take his “drunk ass” to bed before she called the police. Brave words that were betrayed by her trembling hands and shaky knees.
They both went to their bedroom on the opposite end of the trailer from Lisa’s and mine. I went back to bed and shivered myself to sleep. I wondered if the baby would ever get to be born. I wondered why she brought two more kids into this situation. Mostly, I wondered if this man who yelled at me if I didn’t call him ‘daddy’ would be the demise of us all.
… previous post …
Swirly’s Six
Things I Imagined Yesterday
1 swimming in a huge pool at night, lit up with candles all around the edges, without the anxiety I get when I have water surrounding me
2 what I would look like with long flowing hair
3 that it was actually winter instead of the first of summer
4 what the look on my friend Shelly’s face was when Jim proposed to her last Saturday
5 what my little boy’s first word will be
6 eating cake on my 10th anniversary with Gray
Ways To Kill Time Online
Identify your coworkers, neighbors or *gasp* friends on the Mullets Galore website. Be sure to scope out the Mullet Of The Week (MOTW), the classifications page and the glossary of mullet terms.
Tales of Domestic Bliss
When Husbands Attack
Many mornings I have woke to find myself the victim of a stabbing. There is a protrusion from my husband’s boxer briefs that is gently nudging me in the back. Then I hear the words whispered in an almost laughing voice, “Poke, poke, poke.”
Forget flowers, expensive dinners, seductive music, dim lighting. All it takes is “Poke, poke, poke.”
Print Shop Stories Missing food was a common occurrence at the print shop. People would place something in the fridge and come back at lunchtime to find either an empty container in the sink, unwashed of course, or more commonly, no trace of the object whatsoever. The culprit was unknown, though many suspected Owen. One reason for this belief was that most food disappeared during the day and on the weekends, when Owen worked most frequently. I guess since he was on third shift for so long Rick wasn’t aware of this little quirk in the food storage policy. Shortly after I went back on first shift Rick followed suit … and brought a pizza in one morning. Mitch was predicting a theft, based on his ten years with the company and occasional victimization. He had been monitoring the situation all morning, with frequent trips from his area to the break room. He shook his head no on every trip to let me know all pieces were there. Around 10 he walked by and said, “Ten o’clock and all is well.” I laughed each time and went back to work. At 11 Mitch walked by my room and sounded out, “Eleven o’clock and prepare for hell!” I shot him an odd look, but he was trucking for his booth. I ran down and asked, “What was that all about?” Mitch looked both excited and apprehensive and whispered, “He’s missing three pieces.” I understood the warning now, and the look that he had plastered all across his evil little face. Rick, a man of little patience but much hot air, was certain to blow his top over this event. We all bunkered down and awaited the hellfire and damnation that surely would follow. Nothing. We all ate lunch at twelve and waited. Nothing. Rick finally came in and to our surprise had a Subway sandwich. He sat down with Mitch and me and munched away. He engaged in his usual – gossip laced with rude remarks about women and racist comments. I followed with my usual – rebuttals on his ignorance and short, precise demands for him to keep his boorish opinions bottled up around me. I talked to Mitch afterwards and we discussed the odd lack of rage and pondered the odd presence of the Subway sandwich. Mitch also reported that the pizza was in the trash can, still only missing the three pieces. I knew that Mitch’s patience was wearing thin and soon his dislike for Rick would be overcome by his curiosity and need to stir up trouble. He would go and get to the bottom of this. It didn’t come to that, though, as Rick coasted by to the proofing room with a smug look on his face. “I brought a pizza in this morning and some unlucky bastard ate three pieces of it,” he told me very matter-of-fact-ly. I replied, feigning ignorance of the situation, “Really? What are you going to do to him, Rick?” “Nothing.” I looked at him is disbelief. “YOU,” I asked in astonishment, “YOU are going to do nothing? YOU, who have to take out every ounce of anger on someone are going to do nothing?!?” Rick just looked back vacantly and said that in a few hours we would know who took his pizza and that they would know it, too. “They are going to be some kind of sick pretty soon. I pissed all over that pizza this morning before I came to work. I bet they don’t steal ANYONE else’s food ever again.” And he was right. Mitch had to fill in for three days for Owen, who was out due to a stomach bug. No one ever found his or her food missing again.
Rick’s Pizza
Tales of Domestic Bliss
Battle of the Backgrounds
Yesterday morning I started up the computer to find my usual background replaced by one that said WHAT? with a Stone Cold Steve Austin skull as the dot on the question mark.
After a long eye roll, I changed the background to an Egon Schiele painting. I said nothing to my significant other.
This morning WHAT? was back.
Now Ricki Martin is the back splash.
I wonder how long this will go on.