Print Shop Stories
Please Meet My Cusband and My Kids

Bobbie married her first cousin, Jim. They were from all accounts a reasonably happy couple, incest laws not-withstanding. We dubbed Jim the cusband and wondered if this pairing was the reason for Bobbie’s kid’s problems.

Yep, that’s right – Bobbie had kids. Two children, in fact – a girl named Barbara and a boy we knew only by the nickname Scooter. We came to learn later that Scooter was the name, sadly enough, printed on his birth certificate.

Barbara was introduced to people in what I think was an effort to not have to pay people health benefits. If you could continue working there after meeting her you deserved the chance to receive lower rates on medical coverage and a co payment plan. I’m sure she sent more than a few fickle employee candidates running over the years.

Barbara was a troll. I swear she tried to charge me to walk down the hall once, mumbling something about a goat. I’m not sure what was going on with that. She was a plump girl with long stringy hair that she liked to flip back behind her, revealing more of the face that only her mother could love. She had no neck to speak of and shuffled instead of walking.

Scooter was also an ample fellow and autistic. He was left sitting out in the car while Bobbie ran in to check on something and would sit there rocking back and forth in the car. The whole car lunged. If not for an obviously strong but strained parking brake, he would have rolled down the parking lot into the adjacent woods.

One story that Bobbie told was that if she were ever going to have grand kids she would have to lock Scooter and Barbara in a room together. This was not only frightening from an incest point of view, but YIKES! The poor kids!

Scooter met me late one night as Bobbie drug the fam through the shop, a trip she should have charging admission to and passing out popcorn for. He shook my hand, turned to his mom and said, “I gotta take a shit.” Wow. You know the old adage about first impressions …

… see previous PSS entries here …