Memorable Quotes from
As Good As It Gets
Simon Bishop: You’re why cavemen chiseled on walls.
Simon Bishop: The life that I was trying for is gone, and I’m feeling so damn sorry for myself that it’s difficult to breathe.
Carol: Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.
Carol: OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you—
Melvin: It’s not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that’s their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you’re that pissed that so many others had it good.
Carol: Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something that you knew was stupid?
Frank: I grew up in hell! My grandmother has more attitude than you!
Frank: If there’s a mental health organization that raises money for people like you, be sure to let me know.
Melvin: Last word freak.
Carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome… and then, of course, you spoke.
Carol Connelly: Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?
Melvin Udall: Yes I do, as a matter of fact. And to prove it, I have not gotten personal, and you have.
Carol: Fucking H.M.O. bastard pieces of shit!
Beverly: Carol!
Carol: Sorry.
Dr. Martin Bettes: It’s okay. Actually, I think that’s their technical name.
Melvin Udall: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you’re the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, “Spence,” and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that’s all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.
Melvin Udall: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there’s a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there’s a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you’re going to faint. Even then, don’t come knocking. Or, if it’s election night, and you’re excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he’s going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don’t knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
Simon Bishop: It’s not a subtle point that you’re making.
Melvin Udall: How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive compulsive disorder, then act like I have some choice about barging in here?
Melvin Udall: Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City “Sailor wanna hump-hump” bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.
Melvin: People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch.
Simon Bishop: I love you, Melvin.
Melvin: I tell you, buddy, I’d be the luckiest man alive if that’s what did it for me.
Melvin Udall: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol Connelly: That’s maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin Udall: Well maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
Melvin Udall: I’m drowning here, and you’re describing the water!
Melvin Udall: Judging from your eyes, I’d say you were fifty.
Carol: Judging from your eyes, I’d say you were kind.
Simon Bishop: If you stare at someone long enough, you discover their humanity.
Simon Bishop: The best thing you have going for you is your willingness to humiliate yourself.
