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The years that are gone seem like dreams — if one might go on sleeping and dreaming — but to wake up and find — oh! well! perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even to suffer, rather than to remain a dupe to illusions all one’s life. — Kate Chopin

There was a time that I was more than content to wallow in denial. Hell, I was even in denial about being in denial. It can be comfortable, but like all things that are comfortable, you aren’t really growing in that situation. And it does no good to live in the past. Remember the past, learn from it and embrace your future and present. Go ahead and live a little. It’ll be okay.

I must agree that it is far better to suffer the pain and inconvenience of seeking out the truth than to dream the dream of collective ignorance. Pass the caffeine, please.

For the sense of smell, almost more than any other, has the power to recall memories and it is a pity that we use it so little. – Rachel Carson

I went grocery shopping this morning, just picking up a few items to stash in my desk (bottled water, multi-vitamins, plastic utensils, fat free pudding) and a yogurt for breakfast. I had some spare time, so I meandered over to the fruit and veggie bins. The smell of the cantaloupe catapulted back to living with my grandparents as a young child. Sitting at the table with my grandpa, eating fresh cantaloupe from the garden, talking about whatever it is that six year old girls who worship their grandfathers discuss with them.

It was a cool memory and washed over me like the first up-to-the-shoulders dip in a swimming pool. I can not say whether it was oddly pleasant or bittersweet but only that it was. I thought of him and pushed away any bad thoughts or memories, focusing on that single moment of ripe, juicy, sticky, sweet snacking and chatting. The memory warmed and I felt myself smiling. Just a bit at the corners, barely noticeable to the produce clerk, but quite obvious to me.

For if there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life. – Albert Camus

ummm … yeah

Is anyone else bothered by those Goldfish commercials? You know – the ones that say, “the snack the smiles back until you bite their heads off”? What a great message for little kids, huh?

update

Things can get pretty boring in Pembroke. It is a really small town that has a college in it. Other than that there has been little here. There are a few restaurants, all here because of the school, but little other than the standard fare – KFC, Burger King, Hardees, Pizza Hut, a Chinese place, Subway. Then we get the coffee shop and my whole take on the town changes.

Until recently I was never a big coffee fan. It took a few choice tastes of Starbucks ice cream to get me started a year ago or so, but I have finally arrived. I like coffee. I really like chocolatey coffee. But I am open to new flavors and kinds. I like the experimentation.

The new place in Pembroke, Carolina Coffee & Cream, opened the first day of classes this semester. Gray and I stopped in Friday afternoon for a quicl check out of the place. We’ve been back four times since. I’m also stoppingby on my way to 8AM classes this morning.

true confession

I have a SpongeBob SquarePants toilet seat. Two weeks ago our toilet seat broke. (This is quite understandable when you consider that our apartment is older than I am.) Gray went out to Walmart to get a new one and came back with SpongeBob. I laughed and continued to giggle when during the gift exchange we hosted that night everyone waited in turn for their chance to ‘use the Bob.’

true confession

it’s my birthday.

school update
I started work study today and learned how to mix clay in ceramics. Lunch was relaxing and fulfilling. I ran into a couple of people today that I haven’t seen since my first semester here. Always good to see a friendly face. A pretty interesting and mildly positive day.

home developments
Gray surprised me by finding and getting developed film from two years ago and film from our Dec. DC trip. Great stuff there. The older film had pictures of us in our old Greensboro apartment and showed both of us posing with my old cat, Leo. That damned cat was something else. The pics from DC were classic. I’ll get them scanned in next week while I’m in CG and post a few on here for ya.

interesting thing of the day
Today while watching the office for the art dept. secretary, one of my classmates came in to talk to me. She sat down in a chair in front of the desk and said, looking at a slab of marble on the edge of the desk, “This thing smells like a tombstone.” Not that it LOOKED like one or that it FELT like one … it smelled like it. And oddly enough, it was a footstone. Struck me as odd.

swirling in the eyes and ears
recently played: The Sims
was just watching: Clerks
now listening to: “Dean Martin & Julie London – Sway (Rip-Off Artist Remix)” on the CD Electronic Excursions In Hi-Fi Stereo.

a bit about school

The first day of the new semester is over. I am so glad things are back to normal. This is my last semester with Gina. I am going to try to make the most out of it.

After catching up with everyone after ceramics, we all strolled down to the cafeteria to get a bite for lunch. We have decided to make this a MWF ritual since we all get out of class at the same time.

Tonight is Girl’s Night and we are all crashing in Amanda’s room to watch chick flicks. (This will be another ritual.) The guys will be our place with Gray as the ring leader and the PS2 providing entertainment. Ahhh … we are all getting back into our ruts. How comfy!

I got a couple of really cool masks from eBay. I can’t wait to get them here! Here is the teaser pic

I’m off to spend some quality time with the hubby before we go off to our sexually segregated socializing. Have a great evening!

how sweet

Yesterday was my two year anniversary at Xanga. Ahhh, the memories.