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One of the funniest sites I have seen in Xanga is the weblog belonging to woodge … and no, I’m not just ass-kissing because he is my new subscriber. He really is quite amusing … I mean it! Go see for yourself! 😉

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Great Movie Moment of The Day:
from Shawshank Redemption

I have no idea to this day what those two Italian ladies were singing about. Truth is, I don’t want to know. Some things are better left unsaid. I’d like to think they were singing about something so beautiful it can’t expressed in words, and it makes your heart ache because of it. I tell you, those voices soared higher and farther than anybody in a grey place dares to dream. It was as if some beautiful bird had flapped into our drab little cage and made these walls dissolve away, and for the briefest of moments, every last man in Shawshank felt free.

– Red (Morgan Freeman) narrating after Andy (Tim Robbins) plays an opera record over the loudspeker

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Reasons I Am Warped…
(a never-ending list, Part 1)


The Granparent Years
(Part 1)


From the ages of 3 to 9 I lived with my grandparents. My grandpa was basically Archie Bunker without the comedic flair. My grandma defies description, but part of her ‘thing’ was the drugs she was/is on. It’s something that she takes for seizures. Whatever it is, it has kept her hair from growing for over 20 years. (Yeah … I know what you’re thinking, she’s got the good stuff … pass the bottle, granny! Oh, you know I’m kidding …)


In their house all sorts of odd rules were imposed according to their church’s stance on things. These phenomana were described to us as “It just ain’t right …” True logic was always used in this house, lemme tell ya …

“It just ain’t right” #1: No music was allowed other than gospel with the exception of the only two albums they owned. The first was ‘Gene Autrey sings “Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer”‘, and the second was ‘Boxcar Willie’s Greatest Hits’. This alone could be a source for such a ‘warped’ session, but I digress.


“It just ain’t right” #2: No violent, ethnically diverse or non-Baptist TV programming. Both grandparents were racists. How should I put this … let’s just say I was never allowed to watch ‘The Jeffersons’ or ‘The Cosby Show’. I am amazed that I was allowed to watch ‘I Love Lucy’, one of the only saving graces of my childhood, to be sure!

We couldn’t watch ‘The Smurfs’ (spell casting, a cat named after a demon, etc.), anything with a gun in it (other than Andy Griffith), anything with a remote possibility of showing violence, really … (By the way, this did not ‘shelter’ me from evil, it simply made me a wide-eyed target for evil.) I have never understood their logic on the Andy Griffith thing. I mean, Barney shot himself in the foot every other episode … I guess self-inflicted violence is okay … hmmmm …


(to be continued …)

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Ways to recharge your 9-volt …


Reading leadcrow’s log for today and I came across this comment … she got a ‘liberating’ hair cut in the midst of a bad-day-and-bad-hair-too kind of day. And she’s right … nothing seems more liberating than a radical haircut. There are a few other things I do when I really need a boost …



  • Buying new underwear. For some reason, perhaps Freudian in nature, new underwear seems to make everything seem a little airer and fresher … (please, no flack over this. I realize I am inviting it with talk of undies, but read this and move on, okay?) ;-)

  • Getting a really well made banana split. Sure, sure … more Freud stuff, I’m sure … it does seem to help transport you back to days of old when ice cream made everything seem a little better, ya know???

  • Getting laid … okay, no hidden messages on this, it is what it is. Sometimes this makes people’s problems bigger, but it helps me. Kinda like the Seinfeld episode where George and Elaine both abstain for a while and George gets smarted and Elaine loses all common sense and starts drooling … well, that’s me. I get dumber the longer I wait.

  • Painting my nails. While some people might not find this therapeutic, it lifts my mood immensely to paint my nails a bright pink, a vibrant green or blue, a deep red … something loud.

  • Watching a really, really sappy movie. Guaranteed tearjerkers … well, everyone has a few. For me the are “When Harry Met Sally”, “Pretty Woman” and “Legends of the Fall”.

    Perhaps if you are feeling drained, for whatever reason, these ideas will help you think of some way to refuel yourself. Don’t forget in your hectic schedule time to set aside a few minutes at least for yourself … enjoy.

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    Great Movie Moment of The Day:
    from Groundhog Day

    “It’s the same things your whole life. Clean up your room!, Stand up straight!, Pick up your feet!, Take it like a man!, Be nice to your sister!, Don’t mix beer and wine, ever!. Oh yeah, and DON’T drive on the railroad track!” – Phil Connors (Bill Murray)

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    Quote of The Day:


    I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. ‘You don’t have to tell me,’ I said. ‘I’m off the team, aren’t I?’ ‘Well,’ said Coach ‘you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you’re wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.’ It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can old. But that’s when I felt the handcuffs go on. – Jack Handy

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    Redneck Haiku
    – me, 01.29.01
    ________________
    Lookin’ for some junk yard parts
    They’re always cheaper there
    Rusted, but it might still work
    ________________
    Eyes as big as new Moon Pies
    She bats them, I gulp
    Too bad that she’s my sister
    ________________
    Daddy always said not to
    He asked me purty please
    Who knew a pig would like beer
    ________________
    The tractor is out of gas
    Don’t we have pintos
    Where is the can opener
    ________________
    Your momma sure does work hard
    Bubba eat your Spam
    She cooked it the way you like
    ________________
    Lula Mae scuffed up the floor
    Friday night at work
    You can’t strip in combat boots
    ________________
    Grandmaw was madder than hell
    At the empty can
    ‘Which one of you stole my snuff?’